I am good at painting a perfect picture. I am good at saying what you want to hear and meeting your looks no matter how judgmental. I am type-A as hell. Obsessively Organized. Compulsively put together. I am a puzzle that was done with the edges first and then the center. But every puzzle has creases where the pieces meet. To really know me, that's what you have to see. The cracks bleed in sentences that tumble out in a mess, it's flushes and stutters, and obliviousness. To love me you can't just want the image I produce. You can't just love the picture the puzzle presents. You can't love the neat precision and the satisfaction of everything having its place. You have to love the process, the dumping of pieces and the way they scatter across the table. You have to enjoy figuring out what goes where, Whether I fidget from an anxious storm brewing, or just something to help me feel better. You have to want to help put me together. Because I'm a new box every day, and you have to enjoy the challenges that presents. I am perfectly put together to every stranger I will ever meet But only the select few have the privilege of seeing the unfinished puzzle One we get to figure out together, because we are all puzzles. We just want somebody to unscramble ourselves with. By E.V. Seegmiller -poem-
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I don't think Death is ugly.
I think it just has its own colors. Ones you can't see until this life is over. Life is vibrant as we can all see, and I believe death has its own beauty. It brings value to everything around. From the birds in the sky, to the grass on the ground. It brings us seasons and changes. It makes us grateful Teaches us to appreciate each moment. You never know which will be the last. You never know how much time you have. However, so long as I cannot see the colors of death. I will buy flowers, and paint in color, and try my absolute best, to not forget the colors of the living. By E.V. Seegmiller -poem- I'll confess.
I did it. I killed them all. I started plotting at thirteen. You have lots of time to think when you're stuck in the closet. When I realized I couldn't be her I knew she had to die. So I developed a plan. Followed the steps perfectly. A masterpiece of how to become me. Come out as bi after graduation - right before you drop off the grid. This gives everybody time to come to terms with it. 6 months later reappear in the world. Come out as a lesbian. Tell them you only like girls. They'll be more open minded. Cut your hair the way you like Finally dress the way that makes you feel right. Slowly start to get tattoos. Systematically murder every version of you they had in their heads. Be fully prepared to become the disappointment. Embrace who you truly are. Go to therapy. Move away. Make some real friends. I killed each one of them. Every single expectation. I did it so I could survive. By E.V. Seegmiller -poem- I think I prefer to be a stranger.
A mystery that ebbs and flows with time. I think I prefer the surface of me. Charismatic and elegant. With no issues to be seen. I will travel the world and meet people all over. I'll be a part of some romantic fairytale. The helpful side character. I'll hop from adventure to adventure, so nobody sees. the turmoil I have underneath. I will smile and wave. Always doing something new every day Then go off to somewhere better. always perfectly content, to be a stranger. By E.V. Seegmiller -poem- When I was four, all I wanted was to step into that holy font and be transformed by your water. I believed it would fix me.
When I was eight, it did not matter that I could barely stand, I pushed through. I gave all of my strength to step in that pool, and it solved nothing. I believed I needed fixing. When I was twelve, I went under again, but not for me, for others. All the while drowning in my own tears from recognizing who I truly was - and how it went against everything you taught me to be. I believed I was beyond repair. When I was sixteen, I was no longer worthy of your water. I had read the words, I had given you my everything, and you would have watched me drown. I would never enter your waters again. I believed I was letting everyone down. Now at twenty, feel the call to the water once more, but not in the form of a sacred ceremony or a blessed font, but in nature. The rain, the ocean, the rivers and lakes; the water of the world. You told me it was corrupt, but somehow this water did what yours never could. It helped me to heal. By E.V.Seegmiller -poem- |