Elizabeth Seegmiller
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By E.V. Seegmiller

no. 15 - steam

3/24/2025

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I was taught to search for God.
I grew up trying to earn holy love in the way I covered my skin and sat in expensive, beautiful buildings.
I was taught that God would love me if my language was pristine and liquor never breached my lips.
I devoted my life to hiding my heart in standards and contorting to regulations, striving to find sanctity in my endless suffering.
Now I know better
I find God in the confidence of wearing an outfit that makes me love myself.
I find God in the company of a brother in a beat up truck.
I find God in the strength of the shoulders I cry on and the vulnerability of the tears that wet my own.
I find God in the bottle we pass after a long day of work.
I was taught to find God’s love.
Now I find the holiest spirit in the simplest of things, like the steam of my coffee.
I know now that God’s love finds me.

- By E.V. Seegmiller -
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no. 14 - ad meliora

3/24/2025

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“Toward better things”
eternally carved into my skin
the ink stark and bold
a daily reminder
I read it like a scripture
Sob it like a prayer
Say it like an oath
Because this HAS to get better
Someday it WILL work out
If I just keep moving forward
It will get better, right?

​- By E.V. Seegmiller -

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no. 13 - shine

3/24/2025

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I have learned to make my own light, and to appreciate the beauty of the night sky.
Still, one of my favorite things will always be the way the sun will set and rise.

Y’all have been my sun, my entire life, and I don’t know how to explain my fear, I don’t know if it can be described.

Any day, you could resolutely choose them and walk away
Any day, you could choose to never see me again
Any day, you could decide

And I know I would be alright
I know I would survive
I have been through a lot
I will shine my light into the dark
But it will never be the same
It won’t be like your comforting rays

That knowledge,
That understanding,
It hurts more than anything
To know I would just have to keep going
And the thought of you leaving?
It scares me to death as I shine
At the end of every evening

- By E.V. Seegmiller -

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no. 12 - i'm sorry

3/24/2025

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I’m sorry, because you taught me better
I’m sorry, but you’ve made me strong
I’m sorry, but you’ve shown me my worth
Im sorry, you you taught me how to stand up for myself
I’m sorry, but you knew I was hurt

I’m sorry, but you could have answered my calls
I’m sorry, but you didn’t see me fall
Fall into despair and ruin I haven’t felt in a long time
I’m sorry, we decided to try and have a good time despite
I’m sorry, but today was important
I’m sorry, but I spent hours getting ready
I’m sorry, but you didn’t see me crying

I’m sorry, I don’t know what will happen next
I’m sorry, but you’ve left my heart shattered again
I’m sorry, I think I might be leaving
I’m sorry, I really wanted you to come with me
I’m sorry, but this time you really hurt me
I’m sorry, I love you

- By E.V. Seegmiller -

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no. 11 - blurry skies

3/24/2025

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It is easy to fall in love with somebody in pain.
A heart worn on its sleeve is often refreshing.
Experience paints colors never before seen.
But so often it is forgotten that broken people come with warnings:
- Diamonds forged in hell are stronger than anything, and will cut you if not held carefully, even though they mean no harm.
- Skies are admired for their beauty but are daily covered in clouds and often drowned in storms. The wind is fierce in a hurricane, and it can freeze you out, if you don’t wear a coat, even if it wishes anything but to be alone.
- Tears are poetic and filled with sincerity, but mascara can stain your favorite shirt, a sacrifice must be made in order to offer that shoulder of support.
- Rainbows are always noteworthy but only made because colors blurred. The lines are not clear unless you are the one doing the drawing.
- The moon is beautiful but littered in craters and only full once a month. You cannot expect a bright light all the time, it’s unfair to hate the moon for the rotation of the sun.
- Even the smartest people cannot solve a problem they don’t know exists. Hiding the truth will never make it hurt less.

Loving a broken person is a blurry, colorful, chaotic mess. It is rarely perfect, rarely poetic, the reality is quite abysmal when you look at it.
Do not love a broken person unless you have read the warning signs.
Do not love a broken person if you can’t handle the entire package.
You are not evil, but an innocent who was reckless and unprepared for what was inside.
I’m so sorry you got lost in my blurry skies.

<Oil on Canvas>

- By E.V. Seegmiller -

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no. 10 - Atlas

3/24/2025

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Sometimes I wonder
If they can see me start to crumble
Under the crushing weight of responsibility
Do they notice
My greying appearance
As I continue sinking?
They tell me I’m strong
A force of nature
A metaphorical Atlas
All in my own right
But my joints, and my mind
Are in enough pain
That I can hardly sleep at night
I push onward, of course I do
Did I have a choice?
To stop fighting?
I didn’t know stopping was an option…
Because it isn’t
Not for somebody of my position
So I trudge
And carry my weight up the hill
Knowing just before I reach the peak
I’ll slide back into my own hell
Of hospital beds
And medical tests
And doctors apologizing
for giving me more questions than answers
again
I just wonder
If they know my statue of character
That their pinnacle of strength
Their image of resilience
Is crumbling
With nobody to help me.

​- By E.V. Seegmiller -

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no. 9 - backstory

3/24/2025

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God, I love that you don’t know a damn thing about me
That you can’t see my agony
That we can play around in this fantasy
I wonder how long I can go
Before the truth demands to be told
Before I’m exposed
Before my origins unfold
And when they do,
When I’m open and vulnerable,
Will you stay?
Will you pull me close?
Or will you forget about me like a drunken dream
How many people will I lose because of the consequences from a tragic backstory

- By E.V. Seegmiller -

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no. 8 - issues

3/24/2025

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I wonder if anybody else felt their world split
When the words left his lips.
“They’re more emotionally independent. They’ve only called home once since they’ve been gone.”
I wonder if anybody else even heard it
I wonder if they even noticed.
It’s funny you say that, considering it’s only been a couple months.
I did the same thing,
spoke only in letters written in spare moments in between, and I was going through something a hell of a lot harder than they are

But I’m not supposed to compare
Because that would be unfair
Unfair to put me and all my body’s scars up against their stability
Put all my hard earned medals and awards, my diplomas and scholarships, up against that certificate
That would be unfair to all of you
Because The truth would be too easy to see

Of course they have emotional independence.
Their needs were met
While I was left to drown in waves of hurt and emotion
While I was dealt fists to teach lessons
They were given guidance and meds
While I starved and struggled and pushed myself
They were given understanding and support and help

While I was busy running on a broken leg to try and earn your face in the crowd of my supporters, to see you smiling and proud
They merely have to exist to win your crown

So yes, I’m emotionally dependent
I developed a disorder to match those wounds
But you already knew that, didn’t you?
And yes, I have issues
We’ve had this conversation too
I do the devil’s work with a lighter and substance use

Sometimes I wonder if I ever hid the truth
Or maybe I stopped trying to convince unbelievers
After all my tears fell on deaf ears
Or maybe nobody ever cared enough to notice
Nobody that could help, anyway

God, how many battles do I have to fight
Before these comments stop keeping me up at night
Before these comments stop being spoken into life
Before they realize
That inaction and complacency
Is a choice

​- By E.V. Seegmiller -
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no. 7 - pretty privilege

3/23/2025

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She has a smile that makes you blush
Hair that glows in the sun
Her personality fits every party
She's got something for everybody

So, they haunt her
and taunt her
and treat her like meat
They howl
and holler
begging for a treat
Heaven forbid she not let them feed

They get angry, when left hungry
When she doesn't give them her skin
They get aggressive
sending messages
Tell her that if she doesn't give up her sex
They will ensure she never wins.

They will give her free drinks 
until she says she doesn't want it to go far
They will open her doors
until she says she does want to be closer
And as heartbreaking as it is, she knows
If she does not look the part
If she doesn't say her lines in cue
She will never have her shot in the dark

She is a prize to ogle
an object over which to haggle
She must barter with her predators
and banter with their hearts
leading them on just a little
Because should she reject them
They will leave her covered in scars

Pretty privilege costs your humanity
I am no longer a person
I am simply "pretty".

By E.V. Seegmiller
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no. 6 - Jealousy

10/17/2024

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I often find myself jealous of the oceans
For the way the waves can crash without being accused of causing commotion
The way she can rage and storm without being called dramatic
The way she can howl and scream and still be admired for the way she glistens
Nobody ever leaves her
No matter how bad the storms get
I'm quite jealous of that.

By E.V. Seegmiller
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