no. 8 - issues

I wonder if anybody else felt their world split
When the words left his lips.
“They’re more emotionally independent. They’ve only called home once since they’ve been gone.”
I wonder if anybody else even heard it
I wonder if they even noticed.
It’s funny you say that, considering it’s only been a couple months.
I did the same thing,
spoke only in letters written in spare moments in between, and I was going through something a hell of a lot harder than they are

But I’m not supposed to compare
Because that would be unfair
Unfair to put me and all my body’s scars up against their stability
Put all my hard earned medals and awards, my diplomas and scholarships, up against that certificate
That would be unfair to all of you
Because The truth would be too easy to see

Of course they have emotional independence.
Their needs were met
While I was left to drown in waves of hurt and emotion
While I was dealt fists to teach lessons
They were given guidance and meds
While I starved and struggled and pushed myself
They were given understanding and support and help

While I was busy running on a broken leg to try and earn your face in the crowd of my supporters, to see you smiling and proud
They merely have to exist to win your crown

So yes, I’m emotionally dependent
I developed a disorder to match those wounds
But you already knew that, didn’t you?
And yes, I have issues
We’ve had this conversation too
I do the devil’s work with a lighter and substance use

Sometimes I wonder if I ever hid the truth
Or maybe I stopped trying to convince unbelievers
After all my tears fell on deaf ears
Or maybe nobody ever cared enough to notice
Nobody that could help, anyway

God, how many battles do I have to fight
Before these comments stop keeping me up at night
Before these comments stop being spoken into life
Before they realize
That inaction and complacency
Is a choice

​- By E.V. Seegmiller -