no. 10 - Atlas

Sometimes I wonder
If they can see me start to crumble
Under the crushing weight of responsibility
Do they notice
My greying appearance
As I continue sinking?
They tell me I’m strong
A force of nature
A metaphorical Atlas
All in my own right
But my joints, and my mind
Are in enough pain
That I can hardly sleep at night
I push onward, of course I do
Did I have a choice?
To stop fighting?
I didn’t know stopping was an option…
Because it isn’t
Not for somebody of my position
So I trudge
And carry my weight up the hill
Knowing just before I reach the peak
I’ll slide back into my own hell
Of hospital beds
And medical tests
And doctors apologizing
for giving me more questions than answers
again
I just wonder
If they know my statue of character
That their pinnacle of strength
Their image of resilience
Is crumbling
With nobody to help me.

​- By E.V. Seegmiller -